


The First Order Watches Star Wars (IV)

by DarthLumpy



Series: The First Order Watches Star Wars Films as a Historical Exercise [4]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, General Hux may be a bit daft or just needs to explore the galaxy more, Han Shot First, Humor, Hux laughs, Kylo Ren knows a lot of Huttese curse words, Kylo Ren thinks this is torture, Multi, Phasma loves the Death Star, Star Wars - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 11:52:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9819221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarthLumpy/pseuds/DarthLumpy
Summary: The First Order is at it again with movie night. They are watching what we know as the original Star Wars film (I'm not calling it A New Hope). Phasma is excited to see a lot of the interior of the first Death Star, Hux is enjoying taunting Ren, and Kylo Ren is teaching them how to curse in Huttese (rated T for language). Mitaka just wants to survive this film without any bruises. Kylo Ren finds the whole situation to be torture. This follows The First Order watches Rogue One.





	1. Part 1

These characters and the movies belong to Lucasfilms and Disney and I'm just playing with the toys. They are watching the original theatrical version, not the special edition, if you wonder where Jabba is, he isn't in it. Han Shot First! Etc.

The Finalizer approached Starkiller Base after taking various stormtroopers and personnel to different planets and moons for routine maneuvers in various climates so that the troops could learn how to adjust to conditions they may or may not have been used to. They did lose a few lives in the trials, but that wasn't to be unexpected. It was necessary for them to be able to survive in combat and if they could not survive in a trial setting, that would only make the rest of their squads weaker. A natural selection of the best of their stormtroopers, as Captain Phasma likes to state, a squad is only as good as it's weakest member, and there is no room for the weak in the First Order.

After they had time to rest and enjoy a hot meal, a rare treat afforded only occasionally, General Hux thought it might be a good time to have another holofilm night. He was feeling rather generous, and felt that maybe they would bring back popcorn and drinks. He missed it with the last holo, and he could only hope that Kylo Ren wouldn't ruin the experience for him this time. In fact, General Hux decided to forgo the butter, as that only made things more messy, if Kylo Ren himself had decided on continuing to taunt him with his childish behavior. It was unfair to the rest of the First Order, all were loyal to General Hux and he had known most of them and had worked with most of them their entire lives. He understood why Snoke found Ren useful, but he didn't have to like it. Ren was like the odd man out to Hux, an outsider, and they were often at odds, both coming from different backgrounds. Hux having had the benefit of being raised with the First Order system from the very beginning, and Kylo Ren coming from who knows where somewhere in the core worlds in the New Republic, and then in the depths of the training of that lowsome Jedi, Luke Skywalker, the last of his kind, an archaic cult leader and last remnant of a dead religion. Though Hux knew there was some power to be had from using the Force, he had seen whatever magic tricks Ren himself had performed, he had no cause to believe in it with the fervor of a disciple. He only assumed it was some way of manipulating science, and somehow Kylo Ren himself had the power or the skill to draw from it.

The holo they would be viewing this evening would be a continuation of their previous holo, the story of Rogue One. The current holo involved the actual terrorist act of destroying the Death Star. They would have the opportunity to view the interior of said space station, and Hux for one was looking forward to it, he was sure that Phasma would as well, having often said so. He wasn't sure Ren would be on board, knowing his former Jedi teacher himself was involved in the destruction, but it seemed important that he be present, and it was possible that Ren could add some much needed insight to the Jedi, the Sith, or any Force related material. It appeared that some of that may be involved with the holo as well. He only hoped that Ren would refrain from any of his nonsense and that he would not regret bringing popcorn back to the holo viewings. He felt the stormtroopers who had gone on maneuvers as well would be most deserving of such a treat, as well as the pilots and his loyal officers.

As the group gathered and took their seats, General Hux motioned to Lieutenant Mitaka to go and have the popcorn and drinks brought down to be served, and as he left, Hux walked to the podium cleared his throat and then spoke. "Take your seats immediately, please. Quickly and quietly. Ren, no, down in front. I don't really want to sit next to you either, but it may be necessary with questions I may have that you may be able to answer. Please? Thank you." He notices another young officer getting up from the seat next to Ren and moving towards the back. "Attention everyone. Quiet. THERE WILL BE QUIET! Thank you. We have another holo for you this evening. They seemed to have been popular among you from the feedback that I have gotten from the past three, and this particular one should take place directly after the activities that were documented in the past film. Phasma, you will be pleased to know that there will be extensive interiors of the Death Star in this holo, and I must warn you, it will also document it's destruction." Kylo Ren tensed up and sunk into his seat. "Since many of you have just completed maneuvers, we thought to bring back the popcorn, but butter will not be included. I'm sorry, but it was making a mess" quietly Hux said under his breath "And I was having trouble getting the smell out of my hair." speaking louder again he stated "I want you to pay close attention to the efforts of the Imperial officers in this holo, again we apparently have the same inept stormtroopers that the Empire was now famous for, and also, it is often rumored that a traitor to the Empire was aboard Vader's ship that allowed the escape pod to land. I am not sure that was ever substantiated, but I for one would like to think so. Without further delay, we give you tonight's holo. Ah, here is Lieutenant Mitaka with the meal staff and your popcorn and drinks. Please behave with it, and that means you, Ren!"

Lieutenant Mitaka looks for a seat and only sees the one next on the other side of Ren, the same seat he is always forced to sit in for these holos. He sighs, and takes his seat, giving Kylo Ren a nod and saying a silent prayer inside his head 'please don't elbow me please don't elbow me'.

Ren speaks up to Mitaka "Don't give me a reason to, and I won't."

"How do you do that? I didn't say it outloud." Mitaka says..

Kylo Ren is quiet and just turns his masked face to him, as Hux takes his seat on the other side.

"Oh, look, it's giving us a summary of the previous film." Captain Phasma notes.

"Evil Galactic Empire, pfft" says Hux. "Who put this together? The rebellion? The New Republic?"

Kylo Ren is a bit on edge that the summary mentioned his, well Ben's mother.

"Oh, I remember that Alderaanian ship from the last holo, and Darth Vader's star destroyer." Hux notes.

"It's Threepio." Kylo Ren notes.

"And there is another protocol droid as well, Ren. You know we can get you one." Hux says

"I don't need a droid, Hux." Kylo Ren growls.

"Quiet, Sirs, I am trying to concentrate on the stormtroopers. That ship's crew appears to actually be falling down, Sirs. They are actually hitting the targets." Captain Phasma notes.

"Well even a broken clock is right twice a day." says Kylo Ren.

"They appear to be taking out everyone on that ship." Hux says. "I assume Vader would have the best stormtroopers on his vessel."

"Quite, Sir." answers Phasma.

"I just hope they don't hit Threepio and Artoo." notes Kylo Ren.

Hux just shakes his head. "These droids appear in every one of these movies. I wonder if they are even still around."

"There he is! Isn't he spectacular!" Kylo Ren says.

"Yes, yes, Darth Vader, we know, Ren we know." Hux says.

"I told you that he wouldn't let them get away." Kylo Ren says.

"He must be looking for those stolen plans from the last film." Hux notes.

"Someone is putting something into that droid. Who is it a traitor?" Captain Phasma asks.

"I think your droid is going to be all over this holo, Ren." Hux says mockingly.

Kylo Ren mumbles something.

"What did he say, Lieutenant?" Hux asks.

"I think he said, 'Mommy', sir." Mitaka said.

"I did not. I was just well, thinking." Kylo Ren stated.

"It's that Princess, the Resistance General. Whatever she is. Well, we know she doesn't die, unfortunately." Hux says.

"Did she put the plans in that droid, Sir?" Phasma asks. "Well the stormtroopers seemed to have been effective. They have most of the crew dead or prisoners. How refreshing. This is the first footage I have seen of effective stormtroopers in any of the historical films we have been watching lately."

"Quite, Phasma." Hux notes. "She's lying to Vader."

"She's a tough cutie." Mitaka notes.

Kylo Ren elbows him in the ribs. "Ow Sir, wait a minute. I get it now."

Kylo Ren pins him with the Force and raises him and says menacingly "You get what? What do you get?"

"I promise not to disrespect women again, Sir. I'm sure that is what you meant? Correct?"

"Ren, put him down. Please. What is it with you. The droids, elbowing Mitaka. Really, now." Hux says.

Kylo Ren puts Mitaka down, and Mitaka dusts off his suit and tries to sit calmly.

"Well, I know she's not set for stun." Kylo Ren says.

"She's stunned now. I have to admit, Ren, your droid is rather funny." Hux says.

"He isn't my droid." Kylo Ren says in anger.

"Look here, Sirs, this is it, where there had to be a traitor. Letting the life pod just go without destroying it. Right there, no life forms? I wonder if he was a rebel traitor?" Captain Phasma says.

"Ah yes, I have read about this incident before, it had been discussed before. I imagine so, or a stupid mistake. Either way, I hope they had the officer killed." Hux states.

"I wonder how she got away. Apparently she survived. Few people do when captured by Darth Vader." Captain Phasma says.

"I hope that isn't what the holo is about." Kylo Ren says.

"What? I am sure it's about the destruction of the Death Star, not about some politician getting away. Are you mad, Ren? Seriously, what is wrong with you?" Hux says.

Kylo Ren thinks to himself that this is more like family home movie night than a historical educational film. 'Only mother could talk to Darth Vader that way. Only his true daughter could, and he didn't even know.'

"Those idiots. They just told Darth Vader they failed. Vader isn't stupid. He knows she sent the plans in a pod. Those fools!" Hux says with anger. "Make note of this officers and personnel, question anything like that in the future. Don't let anything get away." The veins in Hux's forehead were starting to pop a bit.

"They made such a bit deal out of Darth Vader's star destroyer, but it seems quite small, Sir." an officer behind Hux noted. "The Finalizer is huge in comparison, Sir."

"Quite, but you must remember this was some 35 years ago or so." Hux remarked.

"They are now on a desert planet, what planet is this?" Asked Phasma.

"Tatooine" remarked Kylo Ren.

"Ah, I remember it was visited before in one of the other holos we watched." Phasma noted. "There just seems to be a number of desert planets. It can be hard to keep track of them. I wondered why they were going there?"

"Do you remember the scene in the other holo where the senator was sending someone for..." Kylo Ren stopped himself. "Just wait, I am sure it will make sense. I must be thinking of something else."

"What Ren?" Hux asked.

"Just a connection from the previous holo, something was mentioned. Never mind." Kylo Ren said.

"I guess we will just wait and see. It's a good thing droids don't get sunburned. Ren might get upset if his droid got sunburned, perhaps." Hux said half mockingly.

"Seriously, Hux." Kylo Ren growled.

"Aw, your droid is suffering, Ren." Hux said.

"He isn't my droid, Hux." Kylo Ren said.

"It might not even be the same droid. He is amusing. I liked how he kicked the other droid. It's almost like they are friends." Mitaka remarked.

"Is this just going to be a holo where droids wander around the desert aimlessly?" Captain Phasma asked.

"Artoo! No!" Kylo Ren says.

Hux laughs. "Oh Ren, you kill me."

"Anyone understand these creatures?" an officer asks

"Jawas? This is where you need a protocol droid." Hux said. "Maybe we should have one just for the holos."

"Looks pretty bleak for these droids, Sir." Mitaka says.

"Well, they do show up in the later holo documentary, or at least I think they are the same ones." Hux says.

"Stormtroopers on dewbacks. They still seem a bit daft. There is no hope for the Empire with these stormtroopers, Sir." notes Phasma.

"A farm similar to that one that Vader visited in that other holo, the one where he killed the Tusken Raiders and got all emotional." Hux noted.

Kylo Ren thought to himself 'No it can't be, it can't be' oh, but I bet it is.

"And of course, there's Skywalker." Kylo Ren says.

"Skywalker? Where?" Hux says.

"That kid. That's him." Kylo Ren says.

"Are you sure?" Hux says.

"Yes." Kylo Ren says.

"He blows up the Death Star? This kid? I don't believe it. That's his, did he say, uncle?" Hux says. "Wow, he does kind of, I don't know, whine maybe? How old is he? He appears to be at least 18 or 19. His uncle won't let him go to town? He looks at least old enough to go to town without permission. I'm not impressed."

Kylo Ren just laughs.

"I'm glad you are amused, Ren, truly." Hux says.

"Shoddy merchandise. It's a wonder those Jawas could stay in business. Why wasn't the Empire concerned with matters such as this? Stolen droids, resold and fall apart when paid for?" Hux asks.

"The Empire was not concerned with Tatooine, it was ruled mainly by Hutts. You should know that some planets were controlled by criminal organizations? Didn't you learn that? I am sure the First Order was aware of planets like this." Kylo Ren states. "You probably even were on planets like this. How else is the First Order funded?"

"Really, Ren? But there were stormtroopers there. Oh, yes, they are after those droids. Never mind." Hux says and under his breath. "Kriffing Ren."

"Aw look, Sir, your protocol droid wants his friend droid to come as well. It's almost rather sweet." Phasma says toward Ren.

"It's not my droid, Phasma." Kylo Ren says.

"Fascinating coincidence, if in fact they are the same droids that were in that holo of Anakin Skywalker. They made their way to his son on his home planet." Hux notes.

"Well, if you recall, they came from the Alderaanian ship with his sister. That may have been who had them, Sir. Maybe she sent them to him?" Phasma notes.

"Perhaps. It's just odd that these same droids, and I am beginning to think they are indeed the same droids, are in all these holos. Did they get the footage from the droids maybe? I'm not sure, but that could explain it." Hux strokes his chin. "You knew Skywalker, did he have droids, Ren?"

Kylo Ren just groans. "Can we get off the droids, please!"

"Skywalker can't be too old in this holo, he's playing with a toy, Sir." Phasma remarks.

"It just baffles me that he wasn't allowed to go to town. I was leading my own staff at 10 years old." Hux remarks.

"The Princess was his twin sister correct? She was a senator at this point. Maybe they age differently on Tatooine, Sir." Phasma remarks.

"Perhaps. Maybe living in families as well, is different. We were all raised collectively and allowed to grow and mature and were trained for our adult lives. He may not have much to do there, and honestly he looks bored. Perhaps families are overrated." Hux remarks.

"Hux, I may have to agree with you there, or not." Kylo Ren states.

"He wants to join the Imperial Academy, but he isn't allowed. Amazing. Oh Obi-Wan Kenobi, she's looking for Obi-Wan Kenobi. I do remember him. And Skywalker doesn't know his sister, and thinks she's beautiful? It's all confusing." Hux says.

Shhhhhhhh the officers in the back say.

He turns around and says "You know you I can have you shot."

"With all due respect, Sir." one says meekly.

"Old Ben some crazy man Luke isn't allowed to see? They don't let Luke do anything. Very strict, I wonder why?" Hux asks.

"I think they were protecting him." Kylo Ren says.

"I briefly forgot you knew Skywalker. Protecting him, from who? Old Ben the crazy old man? Who is the crazy old man? I hope this gets explained." Hux states.

"Blue milk, Sir. Ghastly stuff. Remember when we did those exercises on that planet, ran out of rations and were forced to drink only blue milk for a month?" Phasma notes.

"Ah yes, Phasma, I couldn't stomach the stuff for a long time after that." Hux says.

"And at least Skywalker is going to get to town to get that droid's memory erased. Good thing, too, that droid is a bit too independent." Hux states.

"Sir, if I may, are you feeling sympathetic towards, Skywalker. His not being allowed to go to town unless his uncle says it's ok?" Phasma asks.

"Certainly not, it's just frustrating to see is all." Hux says.

Kylo Ren actually laughs, and it makes Mitaka laugh, but Mitaka only laughs briefly for fear that Kylo Ren will elbow him.

"Sir, I think Luke's uncle would make a fine officer. Look how he orders Luke around." Phasma notes.

"Yes, it's a shame the Empire never got him, he probably would have gotten those inept stormtroopers in shape." Hux replies.

"He's wasted on that farm. Uncle Owen missed his calling to be an Imperial Officer. I really think he would have been a great asset to the Empire. He seems very effective in his handling of Luke." Phasma notes.

"That could explain a few things." Kylo Ren says quietly.

"What was that, Ren?" Hux asks.

"Nothing, Hux." Kylo Ren says.

"Oh, yes, about Skywalker." Hux just shakes it off.

"He has too much of his father in him?" Kylo Ren laughs. "He wishes."

Hux just gives Kylo Ren a look.

"What a frustrated kid." Hux says.

"Who's side are you on, Hux?" says Ren

"Runaway droid!" a stormtrooper in the back says.

"He's actually scared of his uncle. 'Boy am I gonna get it'. I wonder what his punishment would be?" Hux says.

"Probably will take away his blue milk." Says Kylo Ren.

"It is a lovely home, for a desert planet, Sir." Phasma says.

"Luke ran away!" Kylo Ren laughs and laughs and almost falls down.

"Seriously, Ren, calm down. Get yourself together. You groaned when we said we were showing this story. It seems to be about this desert family now. Where are the stormtroopers? Are they looking for these droids? Will the Empire find the droid who ran away? This is almost silly. I can not for the life of me figure out why the editor left in all these homey bits about this family and their farm. What is it they farm? I don't see any crops or well anything?" Hux states.

"There are moisture vaporators, sir, I am sure it was water." Phasma states.

"Oh yes, thank you, Phasma." Hux says.

"They did talk about those, Sir, but I believe that you and Ren were having a discussion at that point, Sir." Phasma stated.

"Thank you, Phasma." Hux says.

"What a crappy speeder!" Kylo Ren says.

"Sand people? I thought his father killed them all in that other holo." Hux said. "Well, it's obvious he isn't a Jedi, at least not yet. He is just a punk kid with no training of any kind it seems. Well, it does seem a bit rough to live on that planet, there is that."

Kylo Ren laughs. He really thought he would hate this holo, but seeing young Uncle Luke has been eye opening and funny to him.

"What did they kill him?" an officer in the back says.

"No, they didn't kill him, he's still out there offending Supreme Leader Snoke!" Hux says.

"What is that? A giant Jawa?" an officer in the back says.

"Oh, it's that guy from the other movie, but older." another officer says. "The freaky ghost man from the other movie as well."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi" says Kylo Ren.

"Who's crazy Ben then?" Hux says. "Oh, he's crazy Ben as well. Why am I not surprised."

"Luke doesn't know him as Obi-Wan Kenobi. Strange. And he said he didn't own a droid before? He had that R-4 unit in that other holo, and this droid? He must have known it as well. Is he a senile crazy old man? What is going on here?" Hux asks.

"I think he was protecting Skywalker." Kylo Ren says trying not to tell too much of what he knew.

"Whatever from?" Hux asks?

"Poor Threepio, he is such a mess." Kylo Ren says quietly.

"What did he say, Mitaka?" Hux asks

"Something about the protocol droid, Sir." Mitaka says.

Hux rolls his eyes, Kylo Ren elbows Mitaka.

"Don't poke your eye out, kid!" An officer laughs.

"He surely has no idea what he is doing with his lightsaber, Ren, you are well, the closest thing we have to someone, who is an expert on a lightsaber. Are you not amazed that he never lost his eye checking this thing out. I mean, look at him? That crazy old man doesn't seem worried either." Hux says.

"I don't know, Hux." Kylo Ren grunts.

"And he doesn't accidentally whack your droid either, Ren. Just swinging that thing around like it's harmless." Hux notes.

"Obi-Wan you LIAR!" Kylo Ren shouts.

"Indeed, Ren, indeed. Telling that boy his father was dead and killed by his father. Yes, I remember that other holo." Hux states.

"Oh, no, not the Force stuff again." an officer says in the back.

"WHO SAID THAT? WHO?" Kylo Ren stood up and shouted looking towards the back.

"Oh sit down, Ren. Sit down." Hux said. "Would the officers in the back please refrain from taunting Ren with the Force, please? You know how it upsets him, and I don't want to have to have more repairs this week." Hux said with a bit of a sigh.

"At least Obi-Wan respected the Force. That part is true." Kylo Ren said in a more calmer fashion. "You group back there should pay attention to what he said, when he wasn't lying about Darth Vader that is."

"Her father begs him to help him against the Empire? I thought her father was Darth Vader, Sir?" Phasma says.

"She meant her other father I think, Phasma." Hux said.

"Yes, don't you remember from the other holo? Viceroy Organa was sending someone to look for his friend the Jedi, and it must have been her, but she somehow also got those plans and that was the reason she sent the droid to him." he caught himself a bit "And it's a historical fact. They didn't know they were brother and sister, Obi-Wan was there watching Luke...they were separated at birth. History and all." Kylo Ren said.

"Oh yes, thank you, Ren. Your New Republic education. And I remember that one holo where she kissed him and we all got sick knowing they were siblings. Thank you." Hux said and sneered.

"They are going to Alderaan. Maybe they will blow up." Mitaka says.

"I'm not sure how close this time in the holo is from when Alderaan is blown up, and well, Skywalker is still alive as far as we know." Hux replies.

"The Death Star! That must be Darth Vader's star destroyer coming upon it, sir." Phasma notes.

"Oh, a conference meeting. Everyone quiet. I want to hear this." Hux says.

"You talk more than anyone in these things." Kylo Ren says under his breath.

"I'm ignoring you, Ren." says Hux. "Oh, Tarkin!"

"And Vader!" Kylo Ren says.

"And the senate is no more, Sirs." says Phasma.

"The ability to destroy a planet, is insignificant to the power of the Force. You would be best to remember that, Hux." Kylo Ren says smugly.

"We shall see, Ren, when we finally use our weapon, we shall see." Hux replies.

"History may repeat itself." Kylo Ren says.

"Whose side are you on, Ren?" Hux says.

"Sssshhhhhhh" goes a chorus in the back.

"Vader is starting to remind me of you a bit, Ren." Hux says with a growl.

Kylo Ren is quiet.

"I feel Tarkin's pain" Hux says as he sees Tarkin insist Vader release the poor General Motti.

"We will crush the rebellion with one swift stroke! Just like we will do to the New Republic!" Hux says standing up and the audience stands up and cheers. Kylo Ren sits in a stoic manner.

"Blast points accurate, with those stormtroopers? Amusing, Sir." Captain Phasma says.

"Well, they may have been Vader's stormtroopers, they seemed a bit more skilled than the Imperial stormtroopers we have seen thus far, Phasma." Hux replied.

"Perhaps." answers Phasma

"He's not really stopping, Luke, and he could. He is letting him go home. If he was so worried, he would have stopped him with the Force. So cruel, Obi-Wan, so cruel." Kylo Ren says.

"What are you on about, Ren?" Hux says. "Oh, his family is dead. I take it you knew that before. Understood. I suppose Luke's uncle was no match for the Empire after all. I had high hopes for him being an officer. He had the command of a good leader."

"Well, not if he is a crispy mess he doesn't, Sir." replied Phasma.

"Quite." answered Hux.

"Quiet everyone, it's Vader." Kylo Ren said, then he sank into the chair for some reason. "Why did he need that interrogation droid? He could have tried to use the Force with his mind. I don't understand. Oh, what I am saying, of course it wouldn't work on HER.."

"It may have been standard procedure, Ren. It may be possible his Force powers were different than yours." Hux stated.

"But Darth Vader was supposed to be the most powerful Force user ever!" Kylo Ren gets emotional.

"I am sure there were reasons, Ren. Calm down. Really, Ren. Really." Hux replies.

"Maybe it was some Sith Lord code or something of that nature. I will let it go, for now." Kylo Ren said.

"Phasma didn't even notice they were inside the Death Star." Hux said.

"I did, but I was so tuned into what was going on, Sir." Phasma said.

"Your protocol droid is being very respectful, burning the bodies of those Jawas, Ren." Hux said mockingly.

"He's not my protocol droid, Hux." Kylo Ren said through his teeth and his mask voice box.

"I see, I think Obi-Wan was manipulating Luke into going to see his family, so he would go with him. Kenobi having been a General in the Clone Wars would know how to manipulate his men, or in this case, man, or boy or what have you, into learning that it was important to go with him. Very brilliant on Kenobi's part, I must say." Hux notes.

"Perhaps that is why he allowed him to go. I will give you that. I just didn't understand why he didn't stop him." Kylo Ren said.

"See, now he is all set to go get blown up on Alderaan." Hux replies.

"What is he doing to those stormtroopers to make them say what he says, Sir?" Captain Phasma states.

"It's a mind trick. You have never seen me use one?" Kylo Ren says.

"Oh, of course, I didn't realize." Phasma says.

Kylo Ren just sighs

"Skywalker looks like he has never seen one before. He looks confused, but then, his uncle wouldn't let him see the crazy old man." Hux said. "What a dusty, dirty town."

Kylo Ren sinks down in his seat.

"What a dive this place is. I hope I never catch any of my troops in a place like this. Certainly they could have found a more respectable establishment." Hux notes. "Skywalker is obviously an innocent young kid at this point, and crazy old man takes him here? Here? Well, at least your droid is spared, he isn't even allowed in." Hux says mockingly.

"You can stop calling him my droid, HUX." Kylo Ren says.

"I would, but it amuses me." Hux replies.

"So many aliens. Ugh." Captain Phasma says with disgust.

"And they don't all speak basic. Ugh. I can not for the life of me understand most of them. What are they speaking?" Hux asks.

"Most of them are speaking Huttese, Hux." Kylo Ren says.

"Huttese? How can we understand this?" Hux says.

"I can understand some Huttese." Kylo Ren says.

"Really? Was that part of your New Republic education?" Hux said.

"Not really, but you could say I picked some of it up." Kylo Ren said.

"Well tell me something in Huttese, then?" Hux said.

"Tooska chai mani." Kylo Ren said.

"Fascinating, what does it mean." Hux said.

"Just say that to the next person you meet who only speaks Huttese, it's a kind of greeting." Kylo Ren says.

Mitaka whispers in Kylo Ren's mask where his ear is."What does that mean, Sir."

Kylo Ren whispers to Mitaka. "Your mother is a Tusken chief's whore."

Mitaka laughs.

"Did you just teach me a Huttese curse word? Really, Ren." Hux says.

"Sleemo" Kylo Ren says to Hux.

"What does that mean, Ren? Really, tell me?" Hux said.

"Slimeball" Kylo Ren replies.

"So all you know is Huttese insults? Really, Ren." Hux replies. "Who raised you?"

"Jee no hagwa bonta goo. You really don't want to know what most of these people are saying anyway, Hux. It would be beneath you." Kylo Ren replies.

"Old crazy man is now talking to a Wookiee, and he understands him. Maybe it's a Force thing." Hux says.

"The Wookiee isn't speaking Huttese, it's Shyriiwook." Kylo Ren says. 'And I know that Wookiee' he says to himself.

"Can you speak that?" Hux asks.

"No, but I can understand quite a bit of it." Kylo Ren says.

"Fascinating. Maybe you don't need a protocol droid." Hux says.

"I don't know six million forms of communication, HUX." Kylo Ren says.

"Oh look, now they are picking on Skywalker and he is letting them, Sir." Phasma says.

"No one translated this. It might be handy, Ren. I would think whoever put this together may have actually gone to the trouble to translate the non basic for us." Hux said with anger.

"It probably wasn't important anyway, Sir." Phasma said.

"You are probably right, Phasma. Oh look, crazy old man just cut off that alien's arm with his lightsaber. I imagine if the stormtroopers find out, they will put him in prison or kill him now. The whole Jedi hiding thing he was doing." Hux said.

"Don't they have a no weapons rule in this establishment, Sir?" Phasma said.

"I don't think criminals care." Hux said.

"That wound should have been cauterized! There should be no blood. Why was there blood? Lightsabers cauterize wounds? It makes no sense." Kylo Ren said with anger clutching his fist.

"I don't know, Ren, maybe he got cut with something else as well, and there was a blaster shot." Hux said. "Don't get excited, Ren."

"Nice band" A stormtrooper says in the back.

Kylo Ren sinks in his chair again as the group walks toward a table.

"Oh, that's the pilot from the other holo, the one that evaded the Imperials in the asteroid field." Hux remarks. "Then that must be the same wookiee as well."

"He seems arrogant, Sir." Phasma says.

"Young Luke seems arrogant as well." notes Hux. "I assume he has never left that planet from the look of him."

"And our stormtroopers have found our Jedi. Good work, Empire." Phasma says with a pleased manner.

"What are they hiding under the table? Where did they go?" Hux asks.

"Ok, Ren, what is he saying to Solo?" Hux asks.

"Are you going somewhere. It's too late, you should have paid him when you had the chance...Jabba has a bounty on your head...bounty hunters are looking for you everywhere... I'm lucky to be the one that found you.. give me the money and I will forget I saw you...Jabba's done...He has no time for dirty smugglers like you...Who drop shipments when they see Imperials...You can tell that to Jabba he might only take your ship...I hate you Hux...That's the idea...I have waited for this for a long time...and then he's dead." Kylo Ren says.

"Poor green Rodian didn't even have a chance to get a shot in. Thank you, Ren, and Ren, I hate you, too." Hux said with a smile. "I'm still amazed that you knew what he said though."

Kylo Ren grumbles.

"Oh good, I was wondering when we were going to get back to the Death Star and out of that dingy cantina. Really, we spent too much time in there, Sir." Phasma noted.

"Indeed." Said Kylo Ren.

"See, even with that droid they couldn't get into her head. You were correct, Ren. How did you know that?" Hux said.

Kylo Ren was quiet. "Obviously, she is strong with the Force, Hux. Haven't you paid attention to your notes, and the previous holo."

"Did you ever meet her, since you trained with her brother, Ren?" Hux asks.

"Well, it looks like they are working towards blowing up Alderaan." Kylo Ren said, trying to change the subject. "See how clever the droids are?"

"Those droids, Ren, really. You say you don't want a droid, but you keep talking about them." Hux says. "OK, Ren, I admit it, that protocol droid is amusing. Fighting with the astromech droid. I will give you that."

"And they had trouble selling his crappy speeder." Phasma laughs slightly.

"What a piece of junk." Kylo Ren laughs.

"Seriously, these stormtroopers can not hit him? There is only one man with a blaster, and they don't even graze him." Hux is baffled.

"I can't believe that wookiees really say anything. That's a language? He is saying words, Sir?" Phasma says.

"Yes." Kylo Ren says.

"But the Empire enslaved them and didn't believe they were intelligent. How do you know they say words?" Hux says.

"I told you I know some Shyriiwook, Hux. I actually spent some time on Kashyyyk when I was young, just drop it, Hux." Kylo Ren said.

"Who would want to go to Kashyyyk?" Hux asks shaking his head.

"And the Imperials are following them. This pilot is too angry, but he seems to like being angry, sir." Phasma says.

"Apparently." Hux says.

"See, Tarkin smelled, Hux, you didn't believe me." Kylo Ren said.

"I swear I never heard that before, must be New Republic propaganda, or the word of that so called 'Princess'" Hux growled.

"She is very brave, and authoritative and she is the twin of that whiny kid on the ship? I can see where upbringing does have a lot to do with how one holds themselves. Why my operation here is so tight and mature. We have held these values in the First Order since birth. Unlike whatever Ren came from where he is teaching us low insults in the lesser languages of other worlds." Hux says.

"Vader is holding her, he is actually holding her." Kylo Ren says with an almost awe.

Hux knowing his fascination with Vader just pushes it aside as one of Ren's strange quirks.

"HE MADE HER WATCH!" Kylo Ren stands up and yells, then sits down.

"Really, Ren. I want to see this." Hux says. "This may be where we find ourselves dealing with the Republic and the lowsome Resistance."

Kylo Ren says to himself 'Monster' and grips his fists.

"What's wrong with the crazy old man?" Hux asks.

"He felt the destruction of Alderaan." Kylo Ren says quietly.

"He felt that, in hyperspace far away? Really?" Hux says. "I don't believe it."

"See, he says as much, HUX." Kylo Ren says.

"The droid is upset at the wookiee for cheating? Ren, when you visited Kashyyyk, did you ever see a wookiee rip off someone's arms out of their sockets." Hux asks.

Kylo Ren doesn't say anything.

"He gets to practice with his lightsaber. And it shoots him in the rear. You ever practice with a remote, Ren?" Hux asks.

"Yes, a long time ago." Kylo Ren replies.

"Did it shoot you in the rear?" Hux asks.

Kylo Ren says nothing and clenches his fist.

"Do you mind if I leave, Hux. I have had enough of this holofilm." Kylo Ren exclaims.

"Oh please stay, Ren. Your input has been most valuable." Hux.

"I really would rather mediate." Kylo Ren replies.

"Stay." Hux says.

Kylo Ren gives in reluctantly. This is torture. Extreme torture.

"See? Crazy old man is giving Jedi tips." Hux replies.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi, and he may be a liar, but he is not a 'crazy old man'" Kylo Ren says.

"Solo doesn't seem to like your Jedi/Force stuff. Crazy old man though is laughing at him." Hux said. "I wonder if he believed when Vader took his blaster out of his hand in that previous holo. I must admit, Ren, there is something to it."

Kylo Ren just rolls his eyes under his mask and says "E chu ta!"

Mitaka whispers to Kylo Ren "What does that mean, Sir."

Kylo Ren whispers back "Go F*** Yourself."

Mitaka sinks into his seat.

"Oh the shield. I remember the man with the stick in the other holo who was blind. Fascinating." Hux says.

"The Force at work, Hux." Kylo Ren says.

"Why am I surprised she lied about the base. I am surprised Tarkin was surprised about it. Vader isn't surprised though." Hux said.

"Another asteroid field? Oh it's Alderaan, Sir." Phasma says.

"The Death Star must not have been common knowledge among the citizens of the galaxy, though at this point, we know the rebellion was aware of it. Look how surprised they are by it. It is magnificent. They did rebuild space stations later on, during the New Republic right?" Hux asks.

"Yes, with some of the parts of the Death Star." Kylo Ren said.

"Scavengers." Hux said. "That 'thing' dangling above their heads, what is that? Part of the ship falling off?"

Kylo Ren knows what it is and says nothing.

"It's kind of annoying, Sir. I am really surprised this ship doesn't fall apart in space, between this and the other holo." Phasma replies.

"What is the wookiee saying, Ren?" Hux asks.

"I'm trying, I'm trying to." Kylo Ren tells him. "I'm not your translator, Hux. I'm sorry I ever told you I understood him."

Hux smiles to himself almost glad he is annoying Ren.

"Well, Sir, it looks like we might get to see a bit more of the Death Star, I hope." Phasma says.

"Did Vader know she was his daughter, it seems he keeps stalling her death? I mean it really seems that way." Hux says.

"He didn't know." Kylo Ren said, then thinking quick "Didn't you watch the other holo? He was more into capturing Skywalker, he didn't seem to know. He's Darth Vader, I imagine he was just being sensible about how important a pawn she as in the rebellion."

"I suppose you are right, Ren." Hux said with reluctance.

"What did you say, Hux? I'm right?" Kylo Ren laughs.

Hux sneers at him.

"He senses Kenobi. Kenobi had been his Jedi master." Kylo Ren remarks.

"Where are they? Did they jettison out in escape pods?" Hux says baffled. "Oh, he's a criminal, of course they have hiding places on the ship. Very clever. No wonder he survived. I have to say it's kind of disappointing to know that they do survive. That's what I liked about the other holo. I assumed they would all die, and they did. That was satisfying."

"Seriously, Sir? I know they are the enemy, but it's a bit..." Phasma said.

"Oh don't get me wrong, I have respect for life, it's just well, it spoils it for me is all." Hux said.

"Quite, Sir, we just have to be surprised as to how they get out of this dilemma to survive another day." Phasma notes.

"Indeed, Phasma, indeed."

"Dopo me goola" said Kylo Ren

"Oh, Ren, stop showing off." Hux sneered.

Mitaka whispered. "What does that mean, Sir."

Kylo Ren whispered back "I've got a bad feeling about this."

To Be Continued...


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally get to the shenanigans of running around the Death Star. Phasma has had it with Imperial Stormtroopers, Kylo Ren has had it with this holofilm, and Hux may be a bit daft or just needs to get out more.

“Foolish Fools, all of them! Ha.” an officer in the back remarks.

“He's petting the Wookiee. What is the Wookiee saying, Ren?” Hux asks.

Kylo Ren just groans, sinks back into his chair, and regrets mentioning he could understand Shyriiwook. 

“Well, now, Sir, they should be apprehended. The are going to scan the ship, certainly they can't take on stormtroopers and scanners?” Phasma notes.

“I must admit it will be interesting to see how they got off the Death Star, I mean we know these individuals were involved with it's destruction.” Hux says, rubbing his chin.

“Who was shot? I heard shots. Why aren't they showing it?” an officer in the back asks to no one specifically.

“Well, surely they will know something is up, if TK-421 isn't responding..Oh, his earpiece must be broken.” Phasma notes.

“Well, I wasn't expecting that. I'm surprised they didn't try to get the Wookiee in armor as well.” Hux notes. “One would think they might suspect that. Was that on stun?” 

“I don't believe it was, Hux. I imagine they killed the crew on board the ship as well. Probably hid them so they could dump them out the airlock later, or well, so I would suspect.” Kylo Ren said. 

“Perhaps. How doesn't anyone know they are there? What kind of security is this? Tarkin has really let me down. I had really admired the man, yet, he has this kid, this criminal pilot, this crazy old man, and this wookiee on his battlestation, and no one seems to know they are there, not to mention your droid friends, Ren.” Hux said.

Kylo Ren sits and grumbles.

“And the droid is downloading all the information from the Death Star. Security is terrible here, Sir. No wonder the rebels won.” Phasma says.

“It looks like the crazy old man knows where to go to turn off the beam from that map. The others look dumbstruck.” Hux says.

“He's not a crazy old man, Hux. He seems to know what he is doing.” Kylo Ren says.

“How much do you want to bet those guys don't stay there like that old man said?” An officer in the back says. Some noise is heard, and some whispering and a few “I'm in.” are heard.

“Are you gambling back there?” Hux says with a stern voice? “I won't have gambling under my watch, is that understood?” The officers straighten themselves out. “Really, now.” Hux sighs.

“That old man can run.” a stormtrooper says in the back. 

“OK Ren, what did that wookiee say?” Hux says.

“That old man is mad.” Kylo Ren mumbles.

“See, the wookiee agrees with me, a crazy old man.” Hux says.

Kylo Ren groans.

“The criminal pilot Solo seems to understand him as well. Curious. I really didn't know wookiees really said anything.” Hux notes. 

“And they are bickering. It's a wonder they got out of there. Really, Sir.” Phasma says. 

“Oh great.” Kylo Ren says in an angry tone.

“Great what? Ren?” Hux asks. “Oh, Skywalker wants to go rescue his sister that he doesn't know he has. Well, I guess that is what the holo is about now.” 

“I really wanted to see more of the Death Star, Sir?” Phasma states.

“Well, if we follow these clowns, maybe you will, Phasma.” Hux says. 

Kylo Ren groans again.

“Well Solo seems bright, not go running around an Imperial space station without a plan. Skywalker is going to bust a blood vessel trying to convince him to rescue this young woman.” Hux says.

“It's interesting that he is ok with them killing her, when in that other holo he is trying to kiss her and she tells him she loves him and all that nauseating stuff, Sir.” Phasma says.

Kylo Ren groans again. 

“What's the wookiee saying, Ren?” Hux asks.

“We need the money.” Kylo Ren says gritting his teeth. “I have things to do, Hux, I think I have had enough of this holo.” 

“Ren, Ren, now sit down. You have been helpful so far. Just sit. Please. I promise not to bring up your droid again.” Hux said.

“I would really like to go.” Kylo Ren says in a very angry tone.

“We will probably see Darth Vader again. I am sorry this film seems to be more about this rebel scum. Just sit.” Hux says.

Kylo Ren just mumbles and sits down. 

“Drok It” Kylo Ren says.

“More Huttese, Ren?” Hux says.

“That's not Huttese, Sir.” Phasma says. “I believe it's Corellian, and I can't repeat it.”

“Great, Ren can curse in six million languages.” Hux says. 

“How is he going to get a reward if they blew up Alderaan? Surely the rebel scum wasn't going to have enough to pay him.” Hux says. “What's the wookiee saying, Ren?”

“Oh shut up, Hux.” Kylo Ren says with a growl.

“Now that is amusing, the little droid is afraid of the wookiee.” Hux says.

“The design of the Imperial stormtrooper armor is interesting. With these men disguising themselves with it, you can really see how it's put together. I can't imagine we would be able to see it in just a regular document of Imperial stormtroopers. Some of the aspects we even still use today in our First Order armor, Sir.” Phasma states.

“Yes, yes, Phasma, I for one am glad you are taking notice of these things.” Hux replies. “This is one of the reasons these documentaries are important. We catch things we normally would not otherwise.” 

“And I am noticing the internal structure. It is different just reading a diagram.” Phasma notes.

“How are the Imperials not noticing that they have a wookiee? They aren't even questioning it? I can not imagine wookiees working on the Death Star, they would have them working in mines or something of that nature, but not in a Imperial facility such as this? Yet no one is questioning the wookiee prisoner. And one of the rebel scum in armor is shorter than the other. I know they were strict on putting the regiments together by size. All stormtroopers in the same regiment would have been the same height.” Hux says baffled. “It's not like officers and the like are not walking past them and not noticing. It's like an everyday thing? Wookiee prisoners? The wookiee would be the big tip off. I would stop and look if I saw a wookiee here on Starkiller Base.”

“I've never seen a wookiee, Sir. However, I don't believe I would be intimidated by one.” Captain Phasma said. 

“Well, that Solo fellow said they could rip someone's arms out of their socket.” Hux said.

“Could we get off the talk of wookiees, please.” Kylo Ren says clutching his fists. 

“Well, you never know when you will be in contact with one, Sir.” Captain Phasma said. 

“True, true.” Hux says looking to see if Ren brought his lightsaber to the holo viewing.

“He can't see well in that helmet, Sir, perhaps that was part of the problem with the stormtroopers not being able to aim well.” Phasma noted.

“I am sure that the Empire was more efficient than that, Phasma, but we may have a few old stormtroopers laying about we can test that theory on. We could always check the archives, and confer with our own designers and suppliers.” Hux said.

“Now, there's Vader! Finally.” Kylo Ren lets out an exasperated sigh.

“I don't understand why this holo has upset you so much, Ren.” Hux says. “Now, the old man lurking about, I remember his tricks. Surely, that was how he got around without detection. That I can understand.” 

“Vader senses him.” Kylo Ren replies.

“The consoles, they are so, old, Sir.” Phasma notes.

“Quite, Phasma, it was some 35 years ago.” Hux remarks. “Catching them by surprise. Take note. Be alert at all times.”

“Even on Starkiller Base?” an officer in the back says.

“Well, the odds of anyone infiltrating Starkiller Base is unlikely, with our shields, it would have to be someone very cunning, or crazy like this group. I suppose a prisoner could go rogue as well, but yes, even here at Starkiller Base. Question anything out of the ordinary.” Hux said. “Wookiee was smart to take out the surveillance, but obviously they missed something if we are watching this holo now.” 

“Even without helmets, the imperials couldn't seem to hit anything. I don't think they hit anywhere near the infiltrators, Sir.” Phasma notes.

“Well, I imagine these were just intelligence staff, or technicians with the most basic training as far as blasters were concerned.” Hux remarked.

 

“2187, hey FN-2187, that's your number!” FN-2003 remarks in the back.

“It is.” responds FN-2187 who has been paying particular attention to this scene for possible future reference. 

Kylo Ren starts to laugh.

“What is it, Ren? What is so funny to you? Oh. Well, it looks like they are starting to realize on the other end that the situation is indeed not normal.” Hux responds. “Oh, and look, he's blasting the console. Reminds me of someone I know.” 

Kylo Ren groans, Hux smirks.

“Why wasn't she dead yet? I still think Vader was stalling her execution. It seemed like it. Maybe they were working together secretly.” Hux says.

“That kid Skywalker doesn't know what to do, and you can tell she knows there is something wrong with him, Sir.” Phasma notes.

“Obviously.” Kylo Ren says with a sigh and mumbles something.

“She doesn't even know him. What did you say, Ren, what did Ren say, Mitaka? Mitaka? Oh, Ren, are you trying to choke Mitaka? Really now. No.” Hux says.

“Sir, I don't know what he said, Sir. I'm fine, Sir.” Mitaka says meekly.

“See, Kenobi could not hide from Vader.” Kylo Ren said.

“I see that. And they were so 'chummy' in that one holo. I wonder what happened. Well, I guess the whole working with the rebels thing could kill a friendship maybe.” Hux said.

“Kenobi is the reason Vader had to wear that life support suit.” Kylo Ren gritted through his teeth.

“Really? How do you know that?” Hux asked. “Were they playing smashball and had an accident? Fighting in the Clone Wars, maybe and Kenobi thought he was someone else?” 

Kylo Ren just sinks in his seat.

“Tarkin knew who Vader was before. Fascinating.” Kylo Ren says.

“Oh, this must be where Kenobi becomes a ghost.” Hux remarks.

“Those stormtroopers, it really irks me how inept they are, just tripping and falling over each other. It's simply frustrating to watch, Sir.” Phasma says.

“Quite. They probably needed a great many of them and couldn't get in enough adequate training before they put them in service. We have been quite fortunate to have had years, and trained since birth as well.” Hux says with pride.

“Clones might be better, programmed to work exactly as they are supposed to.” Kylo Ren said mockingly.

“Ren, you taunt me so.” Hux said.

“I know.” replied Kylo Ren.

“They have them pinned into a dead end, and still are unable to take them out. It's so... I can't stand it, Sir.” Phasma says.

“And the Imperial security still doesn't know those droids are in there!” Hux says.“And the staff of the Death Star has finally figured out that something has barricaded itself into that room. The Emperor should have taken out the whole lot.” 

“I'm really not surprised the Death Star was so easy to take out, Sir.” Phasma says. “The Emperor should have had the whole lot of them shot, and started over.” 

“I'm beginning to agree with you, Phasma.” Hux says. “And it's not like this rescue team even seems to know what they are doing. I mean an innocent kid, an insane criminal, and this violent wookiee? They have no plan, and are just doing everything on the fly.” 

“And it seems the Princess agrees with you, Sir.” Phasma said

Kylo Ren laughs at Phasma's comment.

“What's so funny, Ren?” Hux said, I don't see anything funny. “Well the brains must really be the Princess then, she found a way out.”

“Big tough wookiee is scared.” An officer in the back says.

Kylo Ren laughs again at something and Hux just stares at him and sneers.

“That's garbage, Sir. Ugh. I would hate to have to escape in garbage. I have nightmares about it.” Phasma says. 

“I imagine you would never get that smell out of your armor, Phasma.” Kylo Ren said.

“That idiot just blasts things just to blast them.” Hux says.

 

“What did the wookiee say, Ren?” Hux asks.

“How are we going to get out of here. It stinks I will never get this smell out.” Kylo Ren said.

“Oh, I guess I could have figured that out without asking.” Hux said.

“Ok, I have had enough, I'm getting out of here, I have things to do, Hux.” Kylo Ren says.

“Ren, I can't imagine there is much more to this holo, can you PLEASE JUST SIT AND WATCH IT.” Hux said.

“It's funny watching these people argue. They are stuck in trash, she's worried that they will hear the blaster, but not the yelling back and forth, Sir.” Phasma says.

“How could something be alive inside a trash compactor on the Death Star? Certainly they wouldn't have wild animals swishing through space and landing in the Death Star and just finding it's way in there?” Hux asked. 

“Sir, sir, if I may?” An intelligence officer in the back stood up a few rows behind.

“Yes, lieutenant, what is it.” Hux said with a sigh rubbing his head as if he had a headache.

“They might have put a dianoga in there to help break down the garbage.” The officer answered.

“Thank you, lieutenant, that is all.” Hux answered exasperated.

“Ugh, an eyeball.” Phasma said creeped out. “I believe I will shut my eyes during this whole trash scene.”

“Oh really, Phasma, this can't be the worst thing you have ever seen.” Hux said.

“No, Sir, but I supposed it's more of a phobia than anything, Sir.” Phasma said.

“Really, now, Phasma.” Hux just shook his head. “Well, I have to admit, it pulling him under is a bit unnerving. How did these people even survive?”

A chorus of yucks are heard in the back.

“Oh stang, it's around his neck.” an officer in the back exclaimed.

“OK, so how is it that blast didn't ricochet all over the trash compactor like the other blast did?” Hux asked.

“Maybe it was the angle of the shot, and the fact that it was into the water?” one of the officers behind him said.

“Perhaps.” Hux answered. “Ren, are you all right over there? You are so quiet, Ren?”

“I believe he may have tuned out a bit, Sir.” Mitaka says.

Hux shakes him a bit. “Did you fall asleep or something, Ren?” 

“Leave me alone, Hux.” Ren said. “I was in deep thought.” 

“Well, Ren, I need you to pay attention.” Hux said. 

“I hate you, Hux.” Kylo Ren said and as he said it clutching his fists together and tightening up his body, a light fixture broke on the side of the room.

Hux stood up, looked back and said. “WILL SOMEONE CLEAN THAT UP!” and sat back down.

“Maybe we will get some more Darth Vader in this holo for you, Ren.” Hux said. “Try to refrain from breaking anymore fixtures.” 

“Medic!” the stormtrooper cleaning up the fixture calls.

Hux puts his head in his palm, shakes it a bit “Did he cut himself, Phasma?”

“I believe so, Sir.” Phasma answers, she turns toward the stormtrooper cleaning up the mess and says, “Just go get that cleaned up, and report back after at once!” 

“Yes, sir!” Replies the stormtrooper.

Mitaka pokes Ren, “Hey, he said 'I've got a bad feeling about this' only in basic, you know, like you did earlier, Sir.” 

Kylo Ren says with a sigh “They always do.” 

“And it gets worse, Phasma, the walls are closing in.” Hux says. 

“I can't watch, Sir.” Phasma replies.

Hux can't believe that Phasma actually has a weakness and it's garbage.

“Didn't you ever have sanitation detail, Phasma?” Hux asks.

“Never, I was always at the top of my class, and you should know, Sir, I have been in your service since you were 10 years old.” Phasma replies.

“Yes, quite.” Hux replies. 

“Look up Phasma, back to stormtroopers and the droids.” Hux says.

“How could they be so stupid. Didn't they even give them an intelligence test?” Phasma asks. “and the architect should have been shot! The stormtrooper have to duck to get out of the room? Why isn't the clearance higher?” 

“Wasn't it that man in the other holo, sir, that young woman's father?” An officer in the back mentions.

“No, I believe he just was the designer of the weapon itself, and instituted the flaw. And yes, he was shot.” Hux calls back. “And look, the droids save the day again. I imagine these people would be dead without these droids. Perhaps you are right, Ren, droids are quite useful.” 

“I thought you were going to stop taunting me about the karking droids, Hux.” Ren said.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, I don't think I have ever seen anyone use so much colorful language while watching a holo before.” Hux said. “Your droid thinks he killed them, oh this is amusing.” 

Kylo Ren grumbles something.

“What did he say, Mitaka?” Hux asks.

“Something about you watching the wrong holos, Sir.” Mitaka says meekly.

Kylo Ren elbows Mitaka.

“I deserved that.” Mitaka says. 

Kylo Ren turns his head towards him then back to the film.

“Is Kenobi using the Force on those stormtroopers, Ren?” Hux asks.

“Yes.” Kylo Ren answers

“Well now I can see how they got off on the ship, that is if they can get to the ship again.” Hux said. “Oh look, the wookiee is scared of that creature.” Hux said. “Maybe wookiees aren't so fierce after all. The Princess is fierce though, for being so tiny.” 

“Don't forget she is our enemy, sir.”

“Ah yes, the leader of the resistance. I do remember, Phasma.” Hux replied. “And poor Skywalker through this whole exchange. He really doesn't know what to make of these people fighting each other in the middle of trying to escape. He looks worried that they will be heard I imagine. Who fights in the middle of trying to escape?” 

“Sir, are you really feeling sympathy for Skywalker?” Phasma.

“Oh clearly not, Phasma, it's just well, how could he stand it?” Hux says. “I imagine he spent the whole rest of the war, and oh yes it's documented that this group was often teamed up, I have it on the dossier on both Skywalker and General Organa and then noticing on the other holo as well there was some of that kind of behavior, as well. This team, the great war heroes of the rebellion? How did they get anything done? Shear luck?”

Kylo Ren sinks in his chair and groans and mumbles.

“What did he say, Mitaka?” Hux says.

“I would rather not, Sir.” Mitaka says.

“Mitaka, what did he say? What did you say, Ren?” Hux says.

“He said something about years, Sir.”Mitaka says.

“What does that even mean?” Hux says.

“I hate you, Hux. That's what it means.” Kylo Ren says.

“I know.” Hux replies.

Kylo Ren stands up, tenses up, then relaxes and lifts a tub of popcorn with the Force and pours it on Hux. 

With extreme dignity and posture, Hux stands up, brushes off his suit and says“Really now, Ren.” 

“Meanwhile, I'm missing the stormtroopers being clueless about the old man, Sir.” Phasma says.

“She dissed his ship!” Kylo Ren laughs.

“There we go, happy Ren.” Hux says.

“I hate you, Hux.” Kylo Ren says.

“That man is absolutely insane!” Hux replies.

“Oh look more inept stormtroopers. I see why they lost, Sir. I hope my stormtroopers back there are not taking notes on how the stormtroopers on this battle station fight as they are stupid and obviously clueless in how to shoot properly.” Phasma says shaking her head. 

“And Skywalker and the Princess are basically just stuck there, can not move, perfect targets, and they can not for the life of them, get one hit in. It's astonishing.” Hux says. 

“Another shot console. It's like a day with, Ren.” Hux says.

“Stoopa Hux” Kylo Ren says.

“I still can't believe the stormtroopers couldn't get a hit in, they were just still and standing there? And they were taking some of the stormtroopers out in turn, some falling, using the same blasters that the stormtroopers were using, it wasn't like they were too far to hit them.” 

“It baffles me as well, Phasma.” Hux replies. “She's really good with that blaster, a teenaged politician, but a trained stormtrooper can't even..? What are they aiming at? Where did Skywalker get that...Oh, he's still wearing the stormtrooper belt. Well, I have to give him credit, and the fact that Organa was so tiny, that was pretty brilliant to swing across like that, and fortunate it worked. It's obvious he has no use of the Force at this point.” Hux observes.

“I wonder why her dress isn't wet from being in the trash compactor, Sir.” Phasma replies.

“Maybe it was extremely dry in the battle station, and running about like they were, it could have been a material that dries quickly.” Hux replies.

“Perhaps, Sir.”replies Phasma.

“Ssssssssssssssssshhhhh” goes an officer in the back.

“You know I can have you shot!” Hux replies back.

The officer grumbles. 

“What did he say?” Hux says

A female officer answers. “He said he can't hear anything because you talk too much, Sir.”

“I am trying to educate you! You should be listening to me! That's it, you have sanitation detail for a week. Get out!” Hux says.

The officer makes his way through the aisle and goes out the door.

“I would like to leave as well, Hux.” Kylo Ren says.

“Ren, stay.” Hux says.

“I'm not your subordinate, Hux.” Kylo Ren replied.

“Just stay, Ren.” Hux puts his head into his hands and wonders if watching this holo was worth it.

“Well, maybe this will be good. Kenobi is getting out his light saber.” Kylo Ren says.

“Looks like the rebel scum are going to make it to the ship. Not surprising with the inadequate personnel working on this battle station. They should have had the best of the Empire on this battle station! And it happened again with the Emperor on it. Incredible.” Hux said.

“Well, Sir, if they had the best of the Empire on the battle station, they would have all died.” Phasma said. “Many of those people help start the First Order.” 

“True, true, Phasma. I guess we really can't change history.” Hux says. “Look, Ren, Vader has his lightsaber out, ready for battle, that should please you.” 

“I already know what happens, Hux.” Kylo Ren said. “But it will be nice to see it.”

“Yes, yes, your New Republic education and all that, Ren.” Hux says waving his arms.

“From Skywalker.” Kylo Ren said.

“Well, I have to say, this isn't as interesting as that lightsaber battle in that holo we saw at the beginning of the clone wars. How can he be more powerful if he strikes him down? Are ghosts powerful?” Hux says.

Kylo Ren just sits there and growls. 

“His moves aren't as great either, but then I guess, he is an old man.” Hux remarked.

“Even the stormtroopers want to watch, that must be how they got away, Sir. Typical.” Then Phasma said loudly “Distractions! Do not let anything distract you, pay attention, but do not be distracted!” 

The stormtroopers in the back shake their heads and wonder what that means.

“Oh come on, Skywalker, really, you can't want to get into the middle of that. Oh, wow, the old man let Darth Vader just kill him, but where did he go?” Hux remarks.

“They have to beg Skywalker to go back to the ship, Sir, and the stormtroopers are still not hitting anything.” Phasma says.

“Is the old man still talking?” Hux asks.

“He's using the Force, Hux.” Kylo Ren said.

“But he's dead, or gone, or disappeared.” Hux replied. “He's that ghost already, I imagine.” 

“What's the wookiee saying, Ren.” Hux says.

“It's about the ship, Hux. I'm not your protocol droid, HUX.”Kylo Ren said.

“Ok, Skywalker is all upset that Kenobi, a man he just met, died. He lost his family, the only family he knew, and mmm Organa watch her entire planet, her family, friends, everyone she ever knew at her home world, everything she ever knew, animals, plants and well everything destroyed, and she has to comfort him about someone he just met!” Kylo Ren says, then stands up and clenches his fists and then sits down.

“Maybe watching that was just traumatic, I don't know, Ren.” Hux said. “It confused me.”

“Maybe. And well, families are overrated anyway I imagine.” Kylo Ren says.

“And the Imperials are on their tail, so he's over it just like that. See, it's ok, Ren. Really. And we get to see a space battle, unfortunately from the rebellion side, but even still. Watch the tie-fighters pilots back there!” Hux says.

“Skywalker is not wearing gloves. He's going to get blisters on his hands. How could Han Solo be so inconsiderate to not even give him a pair of gloves. Has anyone ever gotten blisters all over your hands from that? It's quite painful.” Ren says.”

“Why would you notice that, Ren?” Hux shakes his head.

“Ask your pilots, Hux.” Kylo Ren says.

“That astromech droid is really quite something.” Hux said.

“Oh, is that your droid now, Sir?” Phasma asked.

“Can we get off talking about the droids, Hux? Oh Threepio is a mess again.” Kylo Ren said. 

“Well, at least Tarkin was smart to have a homing beacon put on the ship, I imagine that was how they found Yavin 4.” Hux said.

“It was where the battle station was destroyed, Sir.” Phasma replies.

“I suppose you are right, Phasma. Well, we can only learn from history, I guess.” Hux replies.

“He's so arrogant, and selfish, and she obviously finds him annoying, and they got married to each other? Really? I have to see if that man is still alive.” Hux says.

Kylo Ren just grumbles. 

“She at least knows the ship is being tracked, but she is going to the base anyway? Why? She rightly assumed the ship was being tracked, and it was, and they went straight to the rebel base, leading the battle station there.” Hux says in astonishment.

“Well, remember they did blow it up, Sir.” Phasma replies.

“You keep telling me that, Phasma.”

“Skywalker has a crush on his sister. What a flacked up family.” Hux said. 

“Using your own expletives, sir.” Phasma notes.

“Well, it does seem to apply to this situation, Phasma.” Hux replied.

“Cheespa boo coopa” Kylo Ren said.

“Quit cursing in Huttese, Ren.” Hux said

“I didn't curse, you don't even know what it means. You better watch yourself, Hux.” Kylo Ren replied.

“Seriously, what does it mean, Ren?” Hux asked.

“I just told you, koochu.” Kylo Ren replied.

“Oh that planet looks beautiful.” Phasma said.

“It's a moon.” Kylo Ren said.

“Well, whatever it is, it looks nice.” Phasma said.

“Oh Phasma, you are just tired of ice and snow, it really isn't that cold here.” Hux said.

“We did get to that planet with all the rain, and that other one with all the lava, why can't we do a few maneuvers on more pleasant looking planets sometimes, Sir?” Phasma asked.

“That moon is humid and sticky and hot, Phasma, it only looks pretty.” Kylo Ren answered.

“Maybe it only feels that way when you are wearing black robes, Ren. I imagine Starkiller Base feels that way the way you dress.” Hux says.

“Hux, Cheespa boo coopa.” Kylo Ren grits through his teeth which sounds even more menacing in through his mask.

“That rebel base looks pathetic. What is that? Oh an old temple or something.” Hux sneers.

“Here comes the battle station, sir.” Phasma says.

“Why didn't they just go right up to the moon, instead of the planet blocking the moon?” Hux asks “Oh there is that weakness that Erso man told his daughter about in that other holo.” 

“Luke's an expert, he shot womp rats on Tatooine.” Kylo Ren says laughing grabbing his stomach and leaning over.

“Tarkin looks almost scared, Darth Vader seems confident. Why didn't he see this before if he was so powerful with his mind? His children were on that moon, perhaps he did know and was protecting them. Wouldn't it be fascinating to find that Darth Vader was aiding the rebels the entire time?” Hux remarked.

“I doubt that very much, Hux.” Kylo Ren said.

“Well Vader, survived, we know that, and Tarkin did not.” Hux said.

“We haven't even gotten to that point, Sir, why are you spoiling it for us?” An officer in the back said.

“Would you like to go out and work sanitation duty as well, captain?” Hux said.

“No, Sir. Sorry, Sir.” the captain replied. 

“Well then.” Hux said. “Aww Skywalker is upset his friend is leaving. And what exactly is that stuff? What possibly could the rebellion have that was worth anything? What did the wookiee say, Ren.”

“I'm not your protocol droid.” Kylo Ren said.

“Seriously, what did he say?” Hux said.

“He thought they should stay and help the rebellion.” Kylo Ren said.

“Your protocol droid is upset his friend is going into battle, Ren.” Hux said.

“ Cheespa boo coopa, Hux” Kylo Ren replied.

“It doesn't look like they have many x-wings at that base” a pilot says.

“That ghost talked again, Sir” Phasma said.

“OK, now we have the space battle, make notes of what went wrong, and what went right. Well what went wrong was the hundreds of thousands who died on that battle station.” Hux remarked.

“Everyone on that battle station is in panic, but notice that Darth Vader is calm and relaxed.” Kylo Ren said.

“Lord Vader appears to know what he is doing, Ren.” Hux replies. “The rebel base really had bad equipment compared to the Empire. The Empire was so much more advanced, for the time, I mean, it's not as good as what we have now.” 

“Vader's going out there with his own ship! Maybe this was worth watching.” Kylo Ren says.

“The rebels are getting obliterated, how did they win this?” Hux says. “They do work well together, but it's a suicide run.”

“Graaa...and Vader getting his hands dirty and doing it himself.” Kylo Ren jumps in his seat.

“He is getting a lot of hits in.” Hux remarks. “Tarkin won't stand down. He's going down with the ship, while normally I might find that noble, it was a great loss to the Empire. He should have tried to evacuate.”

“Wouldn't that be cowardly, Sir?” Phasma asks

“It would have been smart, Phasma. There is a time for being noble, but this would not have been it. While I admire Tarkin, I do think he should have evacuated.” Hux says.

“We can say that in hindsight, Sir, but perhaps he thought there was no chance they would succeed, sir, I mean it does look like they are failing at a rapid rate.” Phasma says.

“True, Phasma, but still, when you have that many lives, the cause comes first. Even if you have to disgrace yourself. We should learn from this.” Hux replies. “I assume that is that General Dodonna from the other holo. He does look a little different, however, I also notice that many of the other leaders from the holo about the Rogue One crew are no where to be found. I imagine they evacuated prior to this battle.” 

“Perhaps. When the Princess landed with the plans they may have left only that squad and essential command crew, Sir.” Phasma replies.

“Shoot some womp rats, Luke.” Kylo Ren says.

“What? Ren? Really?” Hux says

“ Cheespa boo coopa” Kylo Ren replies.

“And they shot down Skywalker's friend, and he's alone. Let's see how he does it.” Hux says. “And Lord Vader is on his tail.”

“Artoo!” Kylo Ren says.

“Really, Ren, whose side are you on?” Hux says.

“Oh, Kenobi is talking to Luke again, and Vader senses it, fascinating.” Hux remarks.

“And Tarkin actually gave the order to fire, that was how close they were, sir. Perhaps his confidence wasn't mistaken.” Phasma says.

“What just happened!” Kylo Ren shouts

“Lord Vader got shot out into space, Ren” Hux replies.

“Fierfek nerfherder” Kylo Ren replies.

“OK, here is what I want to know. How did we get this footage, I mean, we see Tarkin as the battle station explodes. Wouldn't the footage explode as well?” Hux asks.

“Well, Hux, remember that scavengers would collect parts of the battle stations. I am sure part of that was this footage, HUX.” Kylo Ren said.

“Perhaps, Ren.” Hux replies. “Well, it looks like this rebel base will have to move somewhere else.” Hux laughs as much as Hux can laugh then sneers.

“That battle station did look pretty well obliterated, sir.” Phasma says.

“Well, we don't know how far away that explosion was filmed, Phasma” Hux replies. “Ren, Ren, are you crying? Why are you crying? Mitaka is Ren, OK?”

“He's just mumbling something, sir.” Mitaka replies.

“Well, it was a bit upsetting losing all those Imperial lives, and Lord Vader floating who knows how long out there in space. This award ceremony? Why didn't the wookiee get a medal? I mean, seriously? He was flying that kriffing ship, he was walking up there to get one, but he is not wearing a medal? I certainly know when one of my subordinates is deserving of a medal, and I am not sure what the protocol was in the rebellion, but it seems a horrible oversight that the wookiee did not get a medal.”

Kylo Ren is still blubbering mumbling something.

“Oh get yourself together, Ren. What did he say, Mitaka.” General Hux demands.

“He said the wookiee did get a medal, Sir.” Answers Mitaka.

“How does he know that? Oh, New Republic history. Really, Ren. You can go now.” Hux says.

Kylo Ren gets up and says “I hate you, Hux. Me Juuz Ku, Wermo!” and goes out of the room.

“Lieutenant Mitaka, go with him, and try and make sure he doesn't do something stupid with his lightsaber, I really don't feel like making any repairs today.” Hux says.

“Yes, sir.” Mitaka says as he departs walking cautiously.

“Well, there you have it, the destruction of the battle station know as DS-1 Orbital Battle Station. May we have a moment of silence for the hundreds of thousands of lives who were ended in a manner of moments. …........... Well then we have learned quite a few things today, watching this holo, and I am sure it will be of value to some of you. Please remember to clean up after yourselves and maybe next time we will allow you popcorn and drinks again, if there is another holo that is. I think that one may have broken, Ren. Anyway, you are dismissed. You are free to go to your next assignments on your schedule.” 

Hux walked the halls of Starkiller base quietly thinking of Tarkin and his untimely end. He thought how fascinating it was that he didn't know that Kylo Ren knew Huttese, and wondered if that would be handy at some point, or if it would just be something that was just more annoying about him that he would detest. He always just figured that Ren was from that weird Darth Vader cult and got around often to various planets, then was sent to that Jedi, it sure would explain a few things about him. He took a look at the datapad the captain he had taking notes for him during the holo had given him and decided to look up some of the details he wanted to reacquaint himself while the holo was still fresh on his mind. When he got to his rooms, he went to his data console and looked up a few things, some things he knew, like that Lord Vader had survived, and that Skywalker was missing, and that General Organa was leading the lowsome resistance, what what became of that wookiee and Han Solo. He found that they both were running a shipping business in a large freighter, but were on the bounty list of a few criminal organizations. Hux had a mild chuckle over that, but while looking at that, he noticed something else. That also on the bounty list from the New Republic was a missing person wanted for questioning, his son, Ben. 'He's probably hiding with his mother in the resistance' Hux thought to himself. Part of the description was that he was known to be a powerful Force user. 'I wonder if Ren could take him if we ended up in a confrontation'. He just put that in the back of his mind, and then went to look up a few details on the Death Star and if it had a restaurant and other amenities, and then thought, 'oh maybe it would just be fun to look up swear words in other languages'. A general does need to relax sometimes.


End file.
